I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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