At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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