I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
