cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
