When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize