I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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