I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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