I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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