Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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