My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
