Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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