grandma shit on top of the toilet
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
