Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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