I hate all girls vehemently.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
