apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
