11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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