I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
