My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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