I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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