well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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