I am full of burrito and curiosity
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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