just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
