This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
