I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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