dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
