I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
