I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
