I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
