i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Life is so much better after having sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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