hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
