Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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