is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
