I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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