Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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