Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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