Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
