Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
