I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
