Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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