I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize