dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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