You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
