Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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