She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it glows. i had to have it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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