I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
