I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
