this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Houston, we have a squirter
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
