Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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