**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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