Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
