I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
