I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
