Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
