either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
