What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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