dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
