I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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