you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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