her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
