I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
