You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
