1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
