We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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