I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
