He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
