this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize