Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
